Ripped from the Headlines

Washington, D.C—An Alexandria couple, married barely a year, spent almost the entire month of July on opposite sides of the country, much to the astonishment of onlookers.

“I cried myself to sleep every night on my giant pillo’,” Amber, 27, said. She left her husband in D.C for a family reunion the beginning of July, and didn’t return until the beginning of August, after her sister’s first baby was born.

“She was a mess without me, but you gotta do what you gotta do,” Brian, also 27, responded. “If you’ve met her sister Carly, you know you don’t cross her. Ha ha ha. Kidding. It was important to us that Amber be there.”

The question commonly asked by ward members, friends, and family during the month: “Do you miss each other?”

“Life just isn’t the same without your other half,” the couple responded when asked the same question by our reporter. Rather, they sang it. In unison. While a rainbow appeared overhead, and butterflies swirled in the gentle breeze.

All joking aside, the couple confirms missing each other. A lot. "A lot would be an understatement." But they decided to make the most of their time apart, and found various newsworthy activities to keep them busy and happy.

What did they do with their 25 days of single-dom? Since inquiring minds want to know, we report below, in this special “Ripped from the Headlines” feature.


TOP 10 HEADLINES FROM WASHINGTON DC, July 10-Aug 3:


• Newlywed has Affair with a “Real Witch”, and Enjoys It

(Shhhhh...no one tell Bri that I told you he likes Harry Potter. But he does. Says Half Blood Prince was "Fantastic." :))

• Grown Man Pretends He’s a Tiger…Thrice

• “Goliath” Tomato Looks More Like One of David’s Pebbles
(Yeah...Brian got to harvest our one tomato, and it was a little...little. :) The plant itself is freakishly tall, though...taller than me. Hm. Ah well. We enjoyed our expensive little tomato.)

• Local Man’s Hard Work Pays Off When He’s Dubbed “Deputy Champion”
(He he he. Honestly. It's a real title. Brian was appointed "Deputy Champion" over some committee at work. We're not sure what it means to be honest, but I have a new pet name for him! And as embarrassing and cheesy as the title is, I'm pretty darn proud of him.)

• Study Shows Hours upon Hours of Star Wars is Survivable

• Man Escapes Starving and Boredom Thanks to the Kindness of Friends
(A big thanks to the Jacksons and Manns who had Brian over for dinner and fun!)

• Air & Space Museum #2 Receives Rave Reviews

• Man Traumatized After Meeting the ‘New Girl’ at the Hair Cuttery

• Correlation Between Charity & Loneliness? Splits with the Missionaries, Babysitting for Enrichment, and Helping People Move Have Never Looked So Good!
(In all fairness, Bri's always a giving guy. One of the things I love most about him. But WOW was he crazy good while I was gone! :))

• The Local Dish: Food at the National Museum of the American Indian, ‘Good, but Pricey’
(In Brian's words: "I mean, if I pay that kind of money for food, I don't want to be in a cafeteria like setting, ya know? And then having two older ladies sit down next to you, right next to you, and having them chat and chat, and ask lots of questions, and trying to eat, but they want to chat..." Hm. :) Well, at least I know my husband doesn't go for older women. :))

TOP 10 HEADLINES FROM WEST JORDAN, UT, July 10-Aug 3:

• Travel: A Visit to Londyn Provides Photo Ops Galore

• DC Woman Gets Extra Holiday
(Who doesn't love fireworks twice a year? And another excuse for a fun family BBQ. Utah does it right with the whole 24th of July thing, I tell you what!)

• Pedicure Sales Surge Unexpectedly-Economists Praise Expected Babies

• Woman Tours England in 7 Days in a Motor Home

• Rousing Game of Tennis Sparks New Hobby
(Thanks Kristy! It was a blast, and now Brian and I have bought rackets and play all the time. What can I say...you're a trend setter!)

• Crazies Take Over Local Restaurants for Hours: Rumored to be Loud, and Looking for Steak & Pie

(These girls were all in the ward I grew up in, and have been lifelong friends. What a blessing!)

• Water Skiing at 27 Could be Hazardous to Your Health
(Bear Lake was a BLAST! But seriously... what happened since last time I waterskiied?! My back suddenly decided it was old, that's what!!)

• Woman Wins Big at Casino

(Nobody panic. I'm not a total heathen. Yet. :) It's just a fun 2 person card game my dad taught me. We played for hours. And I won...one of the times. :) Now Brian is equally addicted. We love it. Thanks Dad!)

• Something New Débuts in Utah
(Brochures-check. Advertising-check. Exciting-check. :))

• Gluten Gurus Showcase their Expertise
(Seriously...had to give a shout out to my parents, who not only put up with a gluten-free diet for 3 weeks, but who went above and beyond the call of duty educating themselves and taking care of me. They scoured cupboards, and pots and utensils before I came, and I think they're stocked up with gluten-free ingredients and snacks to last a lifetime. They are even better than me at times about cross contamination... I had to laugh the first time my mom yelled, "NNNNNNNNOooooooooo...don't put that knife back in the peanut butttttttttttttttter!!!!!!!" Thanks guys. You're the best, and I love you!)